It's March 27, 2024 8:54 p.m. Lately I have been feeling immobilized and I'm the massage therapist. Immobilized in the sense of Lord, Break Every Chain. Which is a shift in my mindset because at one point I was completely paralyzed by fear.
I sent an email to my clients Monday informing them that for the first time I will be increasing my prices. Actually, that is what I would have done better. I would have included in the memo that I've never really up'd my prices before so I deserve this, right.
I kept tussling with myself to not take another persons' decision personal. It's extremely self - centered to want to control people. People have their right to choose when they need me; when they want to indulge in my services. I can't expect everyone to take massage therapy as seriously as I do. We don't know when we'll eat Wendy's. But Wendy's team members show up everyday regardless of how busy it may or may not be. This applies to all our favorite on the way home stops, and my spa is no different.
I heard in me this morning that too much pressure dries the eyes out. Too much pressure on myself. Too much pressure on clients. I'm coming to believe in my worthiness. Can I trust the inkling of where I truly believe I will end up being? I daydream of what I want my spa to be but how can I brand my business core beliefs? At Sincerely Se'Yauna Inc we support humanity's 8 dimensions of health and wellness. The challenging part is figuring out ways to market this wheel while I stay a cusp of my own. I stand for us being whole. Let's be instrisiclly aware of how we're made up.
I was feeling frustrated and immobilized, asking God to break every chain as I reminded myself that no one has it easy. Based on my trail of tears, I have permission to offend. To remain humble and present enough that my perspective is that I will be offended at times and that I also have permission to offend. I have been letting a lot of things go lately from old prices to old guy friends. This month of April awakened the urge to call and ask questions. An idea suddenly came to me that although I had yet to doubled up on a missed car note payment from 2021, thinking that I needed to pay it all at once, I could start by paying more every month. Once calculated, I could take care of that missed payment over the span of 6 months. What was I thinking!
I struggled with self worth all my life but this morning I felt the chains brake. As I sat at my dining room table, looking out the window sobbing I remembered what Pastor Stephanie Ike said about how she is learning to decipher the cries of her new born baby. I've heard women say that they know what their baby wants by the way it cries. This morning I wanted God to hold me. While crying so desperately I felt the voice of God say to the ears of my heart "I forgave you, it's you not forgiving yourself." I continued my sigh of relief saying "I am so sorry." I felt like I was pleading on behalf of every person that I wished really did apologize to me. I owed myself an apology just as much as I deserved an apology.
It is not every day that I am in this head space but when I do (like deciding to go to Wendy's) it's worth writing down. I have made up in my mind that I will commit to posting a new blog every month. I shall return to my first love, reading and writing! I will write here not to sell, not for pity or approval, but rather to do my part and give back to the earth what it so graciously allowed me to receive, like precipitation. As always, I appreciate your business. 12:01 a.m
Sincerely,
Se'Yauna